Capable vs. Willing
Distinguishing between capacity and choice... and the best window AC unit (plus the sweatshirts to go with it).
One more thank you before we dive in.
Not just for reading last week’s note, but for writing back. I shared my postpartum experience in the hopes it would help anyone navigating something similar feel a little less alone.
Now, I’m skeptical of anything that tries to neatly explain challenging seasons. But this quote is the exception:
“I asked God, ‘Why did You let me walk through so much pain and lead me through so much darkness?’
And I felt Him say..
‘So you’d know your way out when I sent you back in to help someone else.’”
Whether you read “God” literally or simply as a stand-in for something bigger, the sentiment suggests that even our hardest chapters carry purpose.
So, if you’re in the thick of it, I truly believe one day it will become something more than a memory. Because every detail you remember becomes part of the map for the person who needs it next.
Okay. Let’s rewind to the mid-2010s.
When I was a sales trader at Goldman, we didn’t have work laptops. Why? Because we weren’t allowed to work from home (a shocking concept now). Our BlackBerrys held emails, but everything else lived in a physical planner.
Last week, I pulled this one off the shelf after one of my closest friends came to visit New York. We laughed about how you can almost never point to the exact moment someone enters your life. Except, in this case, I can. I wrote it down.
Alright. A lot to unpack here.
We’ll just cruise right past the individual stickers spelling HILARY. Nine years later, I have no defense. Oh…and who doesn’t love a fortune cookie memento? Especially one from Wei West (best Lo Mein in NYC).
But the story is the list.
Every January from 2013 to 2021, I wrote out the areas of my life that deserved more attention. None of the goals required extraordinary talent, especially in 2017.
Mike Tomlin, former head coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers, put it perfectly:
“It’s not what you’re capable of, it’s what you’re willing to do. I know plenty of people that are capable and I know few people that are willing.”
Capability is capacity.
Willingness is a choice.
And, we’ve all heard some version of the question, What’s your why? Followed by the sentiment: Your why is going to push you when you can’t push yourself.
Yes, with age the “why” grows beyond your own interests. But before then, your “why” should buy you options.
At 26, I saved money because I wanted the freedom to say yes if I ever stumbled into an idea worth betting on.
So I invested, maxed out my 401(k), and ate pasta at home instead of ordering DoorDash.
(s/o out to tortellini.)
I also wanted to explore whether there was a career better suited to my strengths. That’s where the last line comes in: “Connect with DJ / Trip to LA.”
DJ was/is one of my then-boyfriend’s (now husband’s) best friends. He had just begun what would become an extraordinary career as a writer and director, and he offered to introduce me to agents because I thought I wanted to work in Hollywood representing talent.
Three days and eleven meetings later, I had my answer.
I loved helping people unlock their potential.
I hated reading screenplays.
(Moonlight had just won Best Picture. So I read it as a test. After finishing the script, I couldn’t tell you what happened.)
Now, willingness does two things:
1. It doesn’t just open doors, it closes the wrong ones…which is equally as valuable. Because every path you eliminate makes the next decision easier.
2. And one of the greatest gifts of willingness is the ripple effect of those actions.
That trip introduced me to an extraordinary executive at Bad Robot named Natalie.
I immediately fell in awe of her. Then I fell in love with her.
Ten years, four babies between us, and one marriage to DJ later, she’s become the sister I never knew I needed.
We spend a lot of time asking whether we’re capable enough.
I watch it every time I teach Soto. Today, twenty-seven people stood in front of a squat jump. Every single one of them had the ability. The question was whether they were willing.
And you know me, my job is to manage expectations.
Everything comes at a price, greatness included.
You embrace resistance when it’s easier to quit. You invest by depositing money into your IRA instead of spending it. You show up for yourself and others when it would be easier to stay home. You leave a party early because tomorrow’s goal matters more.
The cost is real and your priorities decide whether you’ll pay it.
So the question becomes: Are we willing enough?
THAT’S how we bridge the gap between possibility and outcome.
“Champions do daily what other people do occasionally.” ~Kenny Smith
None of this is easy. But there is a reason athletes chase that feeling.
Steve Nash: “Is there any better feeling than being locked in?”
LeBron James: “No.”
Weekly Selects
Mind the Game
Speaking of Lebron and Nash, the most recent episode of Mind the Game…worth every minute.
Air Conditioning
After the weekend we had, all I can say is: God bless HVAC. If you’re in the market for an in-window unit, I highly recommend Windmill Air.
Two Sweatshirts
One thing guaranteed on brutally hot days? The violent temperature swing between outside and inside. I basically lived in my Set Active zip-up this week, and I’m equally obsessed with my red full-zip from Gap. Below is me right…now.
Vitamin A Swimwear
Wow. Wow. Wow. I love this suit more than I can explain. The bottoms are sexy without feeling inappropriate for chasing toddlers, and the triangle top has just enough padding to protect against nipple-itis without looking bulky.
Widow’s Bay on Apple TV
Finished it last night before the England vs. Mexico match... spectacular. Equal parts summer horror, mystery, and comedy. If you love Stranger Things, it’ll absolutely scratch that sci-fi itch. Already counting down to Season 2.
Journelle, Natori & Gossamer Bras
I did something a little crazy last week... I bought a second nude bra.
I know.
I can justify owning a twelfth black T-shirt without blinking, but for some reason a second nude bra felt wildly unnecessary. Turns out, I was four years late. I walked into Journelle on the Upper East Side and left with three recommendations I now rotate constantly: this Natori (my everyday go-to), this Gossamer, and this style that’s perfect for lower-cut tops.