Delusional vs. Objective

Why your future deserves irrational belief and your present demands objective truth.

I recently watched Marty Supreme and went in knowing only what I had seen in the trailer. From those two minutes, I assumed the film followed an aspiring professional ping pong player chasing greatness while exploring themes of grit and hope.

(As someone who rewatches Hustle twice a year, I have a soft spot for redemption arcs.)

But holy sh*t. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I won’t ruin the movie for anyone who wants to watch it, but instead of telling the story of ambition rewarded, Marty Supreme illustrates the consequences of self-belief untethered from reality.

Then again, Josh Safdie also directed Uncut Gems…shame on me for thinking this ride would end any differently.

As the credits rolled, I kept coming back to something that’s lived in my Notes app:

Be delusional about your potential.
Remain objective about your circumstances, and…
Trust optimism to bridge the gap.

The danger isn’t believing too much in yourself. It’s losing touch with reality. Because once you do, you stop considering everyone else.

This is all I could think about while watching Marty. It’s also what comes to mind every time I see another post encouraging us to “be delusional” about everything, at any cost.

Yes...to an extent.

Undeniable self-belief is often the price of attempting something extraordinary. Nearly every founder, athlete, artist, or entrepreneur has to believe in their vision long before anyone else does.

So, the question isn’t whether we should believe in ourselves. It’s how we balance conviction with self-awareness.

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I talked about this in my morning class…

Within the confines of working out, I absolutely want you to be delusional about your future strength. Hell, I’m the one saying EXACTLY that in nearly every class I teach.

But you also need to stay objective about where you are today.

For example, I have every confidence my core will eventually return to where it was before having twins. That belief hasn’t changed.

The facts, however, matter just as much.

I still have nearly a full finger’s width of separation between my abdominal muscles from diastasis recti. If I ignored that because I wanted to prove something, I’d increase the strain on my linea alba, delay my recovery, and risk creating a much bigger problem.

Here, reality isn’t limiting my potential. It’s protecting it.

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Another example burned into my memory…

Many years ago, a group of us spent the weekend at a friend’s house. Sunday’s plan was to eat dinner at-home. Where one group was in charge of cooking, while the other handled cleanup.

There was one person who didn’t volunteer to cook, so everyone naturally assumed they would help clean.

However, when dinner ended, that individual announced they needed to “protect their mental health” and meditate instead.

I bit my tongue so hard.
It took every ounce of self-control not to say, “You are f***ing kidding, right?”

That’s the thing about wellness right now.

So much of the language encourages us to prioritize ourselves. Protect our peace. Set boundaries. Say no whenever something doesn’t feel aligned.

Again...yes, to an extent.

Somewhere along the way, consideration got left out of the conversation.

I’ll tell you right now, in my dream world, scrubbing burnt teriyaki out of a glass baking dish is not aligned with my future self.

But your well-being should never require someone else to carry your dishes.

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One final example came up while talking through this idea with my husband.

WeWork.

Quick moment to contextualize: When a company decides to go public, it files what’s called an S-1, a document that introduces the business to prospective investors. It explains how the company operates, outlines the financials, details the risks, and, ultimately, makes the case for why someone should invest.

Part of my job at Goldman was taking investor demand from hedge funds and institutions during IPOs, which meant I read more S-1 filings than I can count.

Although nothing will ever beat the Vince IPO, when everyone on the trading floor received a $75 gift card… I immediately offered to buy anyone lunch in exchange for theirs. Best arbitrage of my career.

WeWork’s filing was…different.

Yes, there were deeper issues with the company. But the document itself became part of the problem.

Instead of speaking to the market that actually existed, it spoke to the market the founder imagined. Between lines like, “We dedicate this to the energy of we,” and pages devoted to “conscious entrepreneurship,” the filing felt completely detached from what investors were looking for.

Adam Neumann wasn’t wrong to believe in his company’s potential. He was wrong about what the market valued.

That’s the danger.
You can believe almost anything about your future.
But, you don’t get to invent the facts of your present.

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Which brings me back to the question…

How do you balance undeniable self belief with self awareness?

With something objective.

(I think about it the same way I think about the spinning top in Inception. It’s the one thing that tells the characters whether they’re dreaming or awake.)

So you need something that doesn’t care how you feel.
Something like…math.

For an athlete, it’s performance.
For an entrepreneur, it’s revenue.
For a salesperson, it’s quota attainment.

For me, sometimes it’s subscriber growth & 4-wall EBITDA. While other times, it’s the distance between my abdominal muscles.

In the end:

1. Let your ambition exceed your evidence, but never let your decisions ignore it.
2. Respect reality without surrendering to it
3. Because that's what optimism looks like in practice.

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Weekly Selects

White + Warren V-Neck

I know. The words FINAL SALE are...terrifying. But this is a perfect v-neck at a phenomenal price. The neckline sits just a little lower than most, which gives it the perfect amount of décolletage. I own it in black and immediately ordered the powder blue.

Stools

Not the #2 kind. Although, to be fair, I love those too.

We have a few of these from Crate & Barrel around the house, and they’re surprisingly versatile. They double as seats for bath time or as the official resting place for clothes that I don’t want to hang...quite yet. They simply live there until the pile reaches structural instability.

This quote

I couldn’t find a place for it in today’s piece, but I love this leadership maxim:

“Vision without execution is just hallucination.”

Goop Youth-Boost NAD+ Peptide Rich Cream

For the longest time, I avoided skincare with active ingredients. Weleda Skin Food remains my holy grail.

That said...I started using this at night and wow.

The moisture lasts until morning and then some. Maybe it’s the placebo effect, but I swear my fine lines look softer. It also falls squarely into the “a little goes a long way” category, so this jar is going to be with me for a while.

Then by Landscape and Its People by David Sedaris

A gift from my friend Thea. Also known as: the best kind of gift.

My favorite present will always be a book. (Unless you’re my husband, Rob. Then the answer is anything that could one day qualify as an heirloom.)

For everyone else, hand me a book you genuinely loved, and I am thrilled.

This latest David Sedaris collection is laugh-out-loud funny. The kind of funny that makes people look at you in public. I know because it happened to me this morning while sitting in my gynecologist’s waiting room.

Gap

How. HOW. Are they so good right now?

A few recent standouts:

• This sweater looks so much more expensive than it is.

• This top is absurdly flattering.

• And this zip-up...I had no idea Gap was collaborating with Summer Fridays.

The best part? One of our gorgeous clients saw me wearing it, told me she works at Gap, and said it was one of her favorite pieces in the collection.

I’ve never felt more validated.