Feeling Disappointed vs. Done

Acknowledging the gap, Part II of the video series, and my new favorite Nike commercial.

Whenever I play a podcast or open a book, I listen with intent. I scan for proof that sharpens whatever theme is on deck for that Monday’s Substack.

Last week, the topic was intensity. So when I re-watched The Redeem Team, I looked for evidence that celebrated seriousness.

It delivered…but not in the way I expected. Yes, the stories of Kobe, LeBron, and D Wade all pointed to the same thing: intensity needs direction, not just possession.

But for that to surface, the group needed a reason to focus.

Because before The Redeem Team in 2008, there was The Dream Team in 1992. And all stories about redemption begin with disappointment.

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Now I want to be thoughtful in how I draw this next distinction…

Lately, everything reads like a safety net. Every post is making sure you don’t feel bad when you fall short. Compassion is essential. But somewhere along the way, the message starts to blur into something else…we begin to accept any outcome as enough.

Trying matters. (Take it from Theodore Roosevelt: “The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.” You know the rest, “there is no effort without error or shortcoming”.)

But trying again matters more.

Which brings us to: Disappointment vs. Done

Disappointment signals the gap between what you have done and what you want to do. More importantly, it assumes you are capable of more.

Done builds the habit and reinforces the repetition that makes consistency possible. Sometimes, the goal is simply completion.

To harness the power of both, honesty is the prerequisite.

Awareness, paired with enough kindness to avoid impossible standards and enough self-respect to not let yourself off the hook when the goal was within reach.

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Disappointment

“If you never risk disappointing anyone, you’re not living, you’re auditioning.” ~Kpaxs

Let’s go back to the story that derailed this piece the last time I sat down to write it.

At 10 weeks pregnant, I flew to Los Angeles for an appearance on Good Day LA. It was my first live television interview, and I walked in ready to cover everything…my story, the method, science backed stats and what was next for the business.

I felt prepared. Then it unraveled.

Fifteen seconds in, the camera broke. My husband (cast as the on-screen “model”) ripped the yoga mat in half mid–squat jump. And I repeated the phrase “truth of the matter” five times in three and a half minutes.

I walked off set and said out loud: “Oh no.”

Once we cleared, I called my mom. We have a rule, no lying, if I ask for honest feedback.

“How did I do?”

She said, “Truth of the matter is…not your best.”

I knew it. Granted, I was hoping for some miracle that I hallucinated the whole thing and that I actually pulled on some synonyms for that phrase. And while her transparency confirmed my greatest fear, it also made me want to book my second live interview, immediately, to redeem myself.

4 months later, I had the opportunity. Before our first Today Show segment, I made two decisions: focus on the workout. No life story. No method breakdown. No over-explaining. No saying I was pregnant…my belly said it for me. And over practice.

The result? A friendship with Dylan Dreyer and a second feature on Today Show a year later.

So…ignore disappointment, and nothing changes; let it define you (even when embarrassment makes it tempting to hide) and you stop, but use it, and you improve.

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Done

Now, there are times… many times… where completing the task is the objective.

Soto is built on that premise. We make consistency achievable through both time and intensity options on our digital app. Because if you want to build a habit and maintain momentum, you need to get movement in. It’s not always about setting a personal record. It is about doing something hard when you don’t feel like it.

But what happens when you fall short and feel nothing? No disappointment, or pull to try again.

I will explain.

As a rising senior in high-school, I wanted to play varsity soccer so I could spend more time with my friends and wear pre-wrap as a headband.

I made the team because my best friend was the captain (shoutout Erin Kinney, still my ride or die, now a force in finance and a mom of two. I owe you.)

During our homecoming game, someone passed me the ball in front of the net. I had no defender or goalie. A simple tap would have given us a goal. Instead, I wound up, went for a big kick, and sent the ball clean over the post.

The crowd let out an audible gasp, followed by a sigh.

I wouldn’t have blamed my parents if they turned to the people around them and clarified, “We are Hofman, not Hoffman,” just to create some distance from the name on my jersey.

But here’s the thing: I felt zero disappointment.

All I could think was, “For the love of God, bench me.”

The time to hang up my cleats was…now. I knew my role. I was the personality player. I wanted to do what I did best…which was cheer.

Here…When feeling done trumps disappointment, it tells you the truth. You finished something, but you did not care to be better at it. And that…that is clarity.

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Closing

This piece doesn’t feel complete without one more feeling: frustration.

Place it next to disappointment, and the difference becomes obvious.

Frustration festers. It shows up when you believe you’ve tried everything and nothing will change.

Disappointment does the opposite. You might not see the path right away, but the feeling itself suggests there is one, something you haven’t adjusted yet that could move you closer to what you want.

“Self-sabotage isn’t always obvious. It’s missing deadlines, not replying to texts, procrastinating on things that matter to you. It’s your brain trying to ‘protect’ you from disappointment by keeping you stuck. Recognizing it is the first step to breaking free.” ~Dedoyin Ajayi

So ask yourself: what are you feeling?

If disappointment exists, so does the gap.
And if the gap exists, so does the opportunity.

And the great news?
We get to try again.

Weekly Selects

Blades of Glory
Worth the rewatch on a bad day.

CSB Halter Top
I’m very uniform-driven with workout clothes. I wear the same pieces on repeat and buy multiples so I’m never waiting on laundry.

This halter is my newest addition. I now have it in black, dove grey, and blue.

One note: black and grey run small, so I size up to a small. The light blue runs big, I take an XS.

Renggli Sweater
If I own a sweater, it has to work for everything, workout, day, night.

This one delivers. Perfect layered over a tank or sports bra, or on its own for dinner.

Master’s Nike Commercial
“The greatest golfers in the world don’t want a jacket…They want another one.” ~Nike

Hits the heartstrings.