Good vs. Great vs. True
On professional fulfillment, Marcus Aurelius, Phil Jackson and...denim.
Late last week, I caught up with one of my favorite people, and we focused on her next career pivot amidst raising four gorgeous children. There are natural inflection points, especially as women, that invite reflection when plotting the next step.
It reminded me of something I wrote about a few months ago in “Moving from “I’m Done” to “What’s Next?”.”
In it, I shared how high-achievers are often quick to label themselves as “coasting” the moment something feels manageable. In reality, what they have often found is rhythm. They have spent years becoming competent enough that what once felt difficult now feels natural.
That isn’t complacency. That is the reward for all the work that came before it.
But sometimes, rhythm runs its course.
This particular friend is squarely in the “what’s next” phase.
Now, few things are as predictable as my bringing up Untamed by Glennon Doyle whenever the words “career pivot” enter the conversation.
While it is presumptuous to assume everyone has read her book, at this point referencing Untamed feels like citing a major cultural figure. So asking, “Have you read Untamed?” doesn’t quite work.
Instead, I go with: “Now, I am sure you have read Untamed, but on the off chance you haven’t…”
…of course, she had read it.
So when we got into Doyle’s idea that “the enemy of true enough is good enough,” particularly as it applies to professional roles, we sat on it for a while.
Because I think there is an added complication for a certain type of person.
When you are a driven high-achiever, you believe discipline can turn “good enough” into “great enough.”
And a lot of the time, you can.
Effort can dramatically improve the quality of almost anything, but it cannot always change its underlying fit.
And… great enough is an incredible place to land.
Although, I think that is where this gets more complicated than simply telling ourselves never to settle.
Untamed explores what happens when we recognize that something is objectively good, perhaps even great, but still feels somehow out of alignment. I see that argument very clearly.
But I also believe there is another possibility.
If “great enough” becomes genuinely viable professionally, perhaps “true enough” does not need to exist there too. Maybe the mistake is assuming every part of our lives needs to provide the same thing.
A career can be great without being your calling. A job can challenge you, compensate you, surround you with brilliant people and give you the flexibility to be deeply present somewhere else. And perhaps the truest parts of your life are allowed to exist outside of it.
I want to be delicate here, because I would never want to diminish anyone who has found their version of “true enough” professionally. I absolutely believe it exists.
But I think when we hold too tightly to that idea, we can put an enormous amount of pressure on what a job is supposed to be. And I never want to perpetuate a version of that story that has not been true for me.
I started Soto because it solved a problem I had, played to my strengths and looked like a scalable business. It became a mission later.
My path was not straight to true. It went from good → to great → to true.
Which brings me to the part I find hardest to reconcile: How do you know when “good” has the potential to become great?
I recently read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, translated by Gregory Hays, which means my algorithm now believes I am a practicing Stoic.
Briefly: Stoicism is the practice of separating what you can control from what you cannot, and then putting your energy toward the former.
One line has stayed with me:
“Water wouldn’t sound so beautiful without rocks in its way.”
Not everything that pushes back is telling you to stop.
Sometimes the rocks are the problem.
Sometimes they make the river.
I have been thinking about this a lot in the context of team chemistry. Between Cameron Stauth’s The Franchise and Phil Jackson’s Eleven Rings, I have been reading a lot about how championship teams are assembled.
And what fascinates me is how little greatness seems to depend on simply collecting the greatest individual players.
Talent matters enormously. But talent in the wrong ecosystem can underperform itself.
The Detroit Pistons, Chicago Bulls and Los Angeles Lakers were not simply exercises in finding exceptional people. They were exercises in figuring out which exceptional people became more exceptional beside one another.
Ease is a poor measure of chemistry. The right teammate challenges you. The right coach exposes weaknesses you would rather ignore. The right system asks you to sacrifice some of what makes you individually great in service of something the group could never accomplish otherwise.
Maybe “good enough” is not always a verdict. Sometimes it is raw material.
Put the right person in the wrong environment and good enough may remain good enough forever. Put that same person around people who challenge them, believe in them, demand more from them and make their strengths more useful, and suddenly you have something entirely different.
You have great.
Work ethic can close the distance. Environment determines whether that effort accures in the right direction.
But neither can answer the final question for you.
Because you can work extraordinarily hard at something and, in fact, make it extraordinary.
Perhaps that is the limit of effort: it can change the quality of something without changing its truth.
And as a French major who can no longer speak French but can recite the shit out of Candide, perhaps it all comes back to a certain je ne sais quoi…
We can build great.
We have to know true.
Weekly Selects
First, I have to call a spade a spade: Hi. My name is Hilary and I am addicted to denim.
Second, after a year and a half of searching for a comfortable and flattering pair of straight-leg jeans, I have found them.
The parameters were simple, if apparently impossible: a flattering mid-rise that sits just below the belly button without looking frumpy or feeling suffocating. Because far too many jeans feel great standing and atrocious sitting. I wanted a length that hit at the ankle so I could wear flats or sneakers without dragging, but not so cropped that it did something unsightly to the leg. And finally, a wash that looked rich.
I kid you not, after many returns (I wanted the Levi’s Ribcage straight-leg jeans to work, but they hurt so much when I sat on the floor to play with my kids) I found them.
My God, was this verbose. And hell, I even included a video because we all know photos can be deceptive.
Oh…and Mary Hoffman approves.
Lip Liner + Lipstick by Merit
This is my current go-to combination. It looks so, so beautiful.
As someone who looks terrible in pink lipsticks and liners, I need something natural that doesn’t skew too red, berry or burgundy.
East Fork Bowls
I wish I were kidding when I said I take pictures of my food. I cannot help it. It is an awful reflex and annoying AF, but I get so much joy from admiring a meal after it’s done.
Yesterday, I posted an exquisite bowl of pesto pasta and got questions about the bowl itself.
They are courtesy of my husband, who decided it was time for something new after eight years with the same dishes. These by East Fork really are stunning, and, importantly, hearty.
Lioness
Season 3 is here. Hallelujah.
Zoe Saldana, you can do no wrong.
Snake River Farms
We cook steak at least once a week at home, and this is our go-to place to order everything.
It is worth every. single. penny.
When rib-eye is on the menu, my husband and I divide and conquer: I am on bedtime duty; he is chef and grill master. By the time I zip up the last sleepsack, my dinner is ready.
J.Crew Shirts
Helen on our team has such beautiful taste in clothes, and we all love to copy her.
This purchase is courtesy of her looking so damn cute last week when we took a Soto class together.
At $45, it is the perfect way to indulge in a trend without having to financially commit to the trend.
Obsessed with your take and humor as always, it’s too bad we don’t live near each other, we’d likely be besties. My imaginary pen pal I suppose 😆.
Favorite line and I sent to my husband a fellow entrepreneur “Talent matters enormously. But talent in the wrong ecosystem can underperform itself.”
Another good to great article. Thanks for the entertaining read!
this sparked joy!