The Nerve
Making the shift from proving people wrong to trusting yourself.
Leave it to Kobe to give us permission to feel.
“Here’s why practice was important to me, not just from the standpoint that I enjoyed playing and enjoyed getting better…as a leader of a team, it’s also your responsibility to elevate the rest of the guys. What you have to do, is you have to get them emotionally to want to be better.
You have to get them to an emotional place where they wake up every morning driven to be the best version of themselves, right? And how do you do that?
And in practice for me, it was a chance to drive them, to challenge them… and this is where you have to know your teammates because if it’s late and you just had a back-to-back and we have practice the next day and you show up and the guys don’t feel like going through the motions, don’t feel like practicing, it’s important to know each and every one of them individually and personally because then you know what nerve to touch.” ~ Kobe Bryant
There were so many directions I initially wanted to take this. At first, I wanted to explore how “emotional” somehow became shorthand for “fragile”, despite the fact that many elite performers are incredibly sensitive people. People who, like Kobe, simply learned how to metabolize information instead of drowning in it.
Then I found myself thinking about the different ways men and women are allowed to express intensity. How one person is called “driven” while another labeled “aggressive”. But even that lost my attention halfway through writing it. Maybe because I genuinely think we are starting to move away from some of those binaries. Or maybe because I would personally love to retire the phrase “female founder” altogether and simply be referred to as a “founder”.
But underneath all of it, I think what I was actually trying to articulate was the following:
Emotions without awareness lead to volatility.
But sensitivity with discipline becomes intuition.
Because being emotional is not the problem.
And a lot of people think success requires becoming numb. Numb to insecurity. Numb to self-doubt. But often, the people who build the deepest consistency are actually highly sensitive people who finally found an environment that did not weaponize that sensitivity against them.
The other week, I had a conversation with a client after class who was going through it with her boss. And the only advice I had for her was this: do not forget how this feels. Because the only way cycles change is if, when you finally become the boss, you remember what it felt like to be mistreated as the analyst.
Maybe that is the real value of sensitivity. Not fragility. Memory.
In my notes app, on December 7th, 2023, I wrote: “I’m not above using spite as a motivator.”
I laughed out loud when rediscovering it because I remember how agonizing it was to feel misunderstood while building Soto. So much of my work ethic stemmed from proving people wrong.
Then eventually, it shifted.
It became less about silencing doubt and more about honoring belief.
“I think in the end, things come right on time. And, the last time around it wasn’t our time, it wasn’t my time. And sometimes you have to accept that you have to wait your turn. And dealing with everything that came with the last Super Bowl. It’s still kind of leaves it empty a little bit because as great [of] a performance [as] it was; it wasn’t enough to win. And I think going through those emotions and processing those things and processing that experience lit a great flame in me and enhanced my desire to win significantly…” ~ Jalen Hurts
That’s the transition.
At first, emotion is reactionary. You use rejection/embarrassment/insecurity/criticism. You use whatever you can reach for.
But eventually, if you are lucky, the other person leaves the equation.
Your past self becomes the reference point.
Your future self becomes the standard.
And your current self becomes responsible for closing the gap between them.
Therein lies control.
Because whether you are proving someone right or proving someone wrong, you are still reacting. You are still dependent on someone else.
Kobe searched for the place Jalen eventually reached.
The nerve. The place where your identity no longer depends on opposition.
Weekly Selects
The Knicks
I almost waited until tomorrow to edit this substack because my brain is too preoccupied with tonight’s game. Praying for a #Knicksin4.
Napping
I love napping. I love when my kids nap. I love my husband a little more after he naps. Overall, naps improve everything and everyone. (I hate admitting this, but one of the highlights of MDW was the two-hour nap I took on Saturday afternoon.) Also, if you are behind on your water goals, re-read the last few sentences and take a sip every time you see the word “nap.”
Westman Atelier
Glow drops. Cream blush. Cream bronzer. This is how I plan to avoid the sun and still look bronze-y.
My Pediatrician Friend
For any new mom, this is the dream. Yes, you can text your doctor. And yes, you can text your friends who are doctors. But there is something wildly comforting about having three of the best pediatricians in your back pocket whenever you need help. You pay a subscription fee to essentially have them on speed dial and after a few rashes, fevers, and development questions, I cannot explain how much safer I feel having this resource.
Faithfull the Brand Strapless Top
I am still on the hunt for evening tops and have been striking out repeatedly. Until this one. Oh, it is GOOD. So flattering. Jeans, linen pants, shorts, all work beautifully. In love.
Whitespace Quarter Zip
This is in the other picture. Now, the reason I love this sweatshirt: it looks incredibly good with a half tuck AND the zipper is not metal. Important distinction because I cannot go to bed in clothing where metal is touching my skin. HATE the sensation. I also consider a half-zip a “sexy sweatshirt” because my neck is exposed so I latch on whenever I find one with the right material.
This Guitarist
Thank you to my friend for sending me this over the weekend. Wow.